BABY STEPS

My dream growing up was to become a major league baseball player. Despite my love of the game, I just wasn’t good enough make the cut when I tried out for little league. It was winter and the ground was covered with snow. I went into my cold, wet, musky basement, took a piece of chalk and drew a batter’s box. My mind told me it wasn’t really worth it. How much better would I get by throwing a ball ten feet? I didn’t let the negativity win. I decided to get a notebook and every day keep track of how many pitches out of 100 landed in that batter’s box. I visualized myself pitching in a little league game and striking out the side. As my arm got stronger and stronger, the ball would fly back at me at frightening speeds. There is nothing like a hard baseball ricocheting toward your teeth to get you to quickly learn how to catch. As part of my self-preservation, my reaction time was getting better and better. I began getting closer and closer to the wall. Throwing the ball as hard as I could and seeing if I could react. I could catch anything that was hit or thrown my way and I knew it.

I went into that basement intending for one thing and came out with something else. I thought I would build arm strength. I instead began to build mind strength. I understood that it is the doing that matters. Nothing happens without action. If I decided the basement was too wet, too small or too scary, I wouldn’t have grown. I wouldn’t have learned that there is a key to any door you want to open that already exists within your mind.

Soon, throwing at the wall wasn’t enough. I needed to become a better hitter. I took my bat into the basement. I began taking 100 swings every day. Visualizing the ball sailing over the fence for my first ever home run. Rounding the bases as my Mom and Dad clapped along with all of the other parents. One day when I was practicing, I started to hear a noise I had never heard. It was the whoosh of the wind as the speed of my bat sliced through the heavy basement air. I went from 100 swings to swinging until my hands were blistered. I wanted my family to hear the whoosh from upstairs. That became my new goal. To swing so hard, that my family could hear it from another floor.

The spring arrived and it was time for little league tryouts. I was ready! During the tryout I did everything I visualized. I crushed the ball. I made perfect throws. I fielded everything hit my way. Yet I still didn’t make a team. I was devastated. How could my best still not be good enough? I began to find reasons. I wasn’t friends with the coach’s kids. I wasn’t tall enough. They already knew who they were picking ahead of time. My feelings were hurt. My ego was bruised. I wanted to give up. My Dad saw that I was upset and told me to take it out on the ball. This is still something I do today. When I feel like things aren’t going as planned, I dig my heals in even harder. This is perseverance.

For the kids that didn’t make it in little league, they had something called minor league. Anyone could play minor league. Kids quickly became too afraid to pitch to me. I was hitting the ball too hard for them to catch at that level. I had finally tasted success. Even though I was good enough for little league, this is exactly what I needed. I needed to taste success. To see my growth against the same competition that used to be at my level. You may think you’re ready for something, but this is another great lesson. The universe may need to still teach you something before you get your shot. That way, when you do get the shot, you will thrive.

Every single time you are faced with an obstacle, use it to your advantage. All adversity is an opportunity for growth. You’re naturally going to be disappointed. Don’t be hard on yourself for feeling those thoughts of sadness and rejection. Just don’t live in that emotional space. Use every single rejection as fuel to make it impossible for anything to hold you back. That’s exactly what I did in the minor leagues. After I was done feeling sorry, I started taking it out on the ball. I was not only taking it out on the ball in the minor leagues, I was also pitching and cruising my way to win after win. It wasn’t long before I got the call and went on to play little league.

Becoming a pro and playing for the Red Sox wasn’t in the cards, but that basement and the game of baseball taught me something about myself. I could accomplish big things if I worked hard and visualized positive results. So much joy came out of that entire process. Working hard at something and seeing results is one of the greatest gifts you can receive. Showing up can be difficult, but when you do, the results will come. Learn to respect and enjoy the journey as you move one foot in front of the other toward your goals. Even small steps will eventually lead you to your destination.

I went from not being able to make a little league team, to being a bench warmer to eventually being the MVP of my high school baseball team. In my junior year I batted .615, which led the entire state of Massachusetts. I went on to play in college, but never made it to the pros. I did however hit that home run at Fenway. In 2012, the Red Sox had such a terrible year, that they invited a few lucky fans to take 5 swings at Fenway Park. When I was 39-years old, on my fifth and final swing, I sent a ball flying into the right field seats as my family cheered from the sideline. My vision had been realized.

SUMMARY

*Show up for what you want. Keep moving your feet forward. Taking small steps can lead to a great distance over time.

*Use visualization to reach your goals. Don’t just picture what you want. Feel what it is like to have what you want.

*Avoid creating obstacles. Fear and anxiety will often help our minds to create obstacles which encourages us to give up. Don’t create obstacles. Use your energy to find solutions.

*When something is frustrating you, take it out on the ball. Pour your energy into whatever it is you want. Use the frustration in a positive way by burning that energy to create the future you want.

Are You A Porsche With Problems?

When I was in my 20’s, one of my good friends was already making a ton of money in sales and so of course he went out and bought a Porsche. On the outside this car was pristine. Whoever had it before him had washed and waxed this beautiful car to make sure it stayed in mint condition. My friend decided to move across the country to the west coast. We loaded up the Porsche with two duffle bags and hit the road. We only made it about 100 miles before we started to have trouble. The Porsche couldn’t go more than 30 Miles Per Hour as we struggled to get up a steep incline. Whoever had owned this Porsche did a great job taking care of the exterior, but under the hood it was a mess. The Porsche did eventually make it to California and then completely broke down one month after our arrival.

I tell this story because I went on to become exactly like this Porsche. At age 40, I had achieved my dream of becoming the executive producer of a talk show being produced out of the famed 30 Rock. The show was right across the hall from “The Tonight Show.” I just bought a beautiful new house and we had an Audi and Infiniti parked in the driveway. My bank account was growing each week and I was looking really good on paper.

Like the Porsche, I looked incredible on the surface. On the inside, I was a mess. I was working 100 hours per week to make this show successful. I was sleeping across the street in a hotel so I didn’t have to commute back and forth to New Jersey. My kids weren’t seeing me much and my home life was beginning to unravel. I didn’t realize it at the time, but this lifestyle was breaking me down.

When the show ended, I was diagnosed with a serious lung condition. I couldn’t sleep because my lungs were crackling. I was exhausted, depressed and not a lot of fun to be around. That is when I began working on what was on the inside. I had to get under the hood and work on my engine.

Whether you are a Porsche with problems or just want to love yourself with more regularity, here are three things I did to get back on track.

1)    One Hour Playdate Each Week

I got this from the fantastic book “The Artists Way.” Each week I would spend one hour doing something by myself and for myself. I played pool with an old pool shark, I took a yoga class, I went to a comic book store, I listened to vinyl records. Anything that woke the child inside of me and reconnected me to that spirit was what I was after. This is easier said than done. I was so resistant to coming up with things to do and then finding the time to them. Yet, every time I completed these playdates, I felt alive.

2)    Create A Morning Routine

For so many years, I would wake up at the crack of dawn and hit the ground running. I was starting at 100 MPH. Then I worked with the chairman of Comcast who told me he started each day working out at 5 AM. He needed to clear his head before going to the office. He also loved getting to work so early because there were no distractions and he got more done before people arrived. Now I begin each day by meditating for 15 minutes followed by a 20-minute workout routine. This routine guarantees that I am spending time every day on both my physical and mental health.

3)    Big Plans

Once a week playtime is a great start, but what are you doing for yourself each quarter? What is the big thing you’re doing for yourself this year? Having things to look forward to is a great motivator. When we are just running in place and caught in the same old loop, it is hard to focus and work toward our goals. Plan one big thing per quarter. Go on a camping trip with your friends. Take a weekend spa trip. See what bands are coming to your area and book a night out with your friends. Then plan a really big self-care event once a year. These events will regenerate your spirit and always have you looking forward to something coming up.

Divorce Yourself

You are tired of your career…Divorce Yourself from it!

You have a toxic friend…Divorce Yourself from them!

You want to lose weight…Divorce Yourself from your old habits!

When I decided my marriage was over and it was time to get a divorce, it felt like both a relief and a crushing weight at the same time. I told myself a lot of lies. “I had given up on my family.” “I wasn’t going to have the same relationship with my kids.” “I had failed.” I was in a really dark and difficult place.

Then surprisingly, as the days passed by, divorce became not an end, but a beginning. I was free to really explore who I was and what I wanted. I got back into the things I used to enjoy. I began hiking, riding my bike and reading everything I could get my hands on.

I rediscovered who I was and learned to love myself. I met the love of my life and got remarried. I lost 25 pounds and became an athlete again. I became an even better father. I showed my kids what being good to yourself looks like. I showed them what a good relationship looks like. I showed them that they too could face a fear and come out in better shape. All of this came out of the dirty “D” word.

Last year I found myself coaching someone who was in a similar situation, but for them it was their career. They had just been let go from their job and they were devastated. As we talked about the job, they told me their work had been a viscous cycle where they were surrounded by toxic people who would push them to the brink and then let them recover just enough before they did it all again.

They needed a divorce from this business and were lucky enough to be handed one. Instead of looking for a job in the same field, this was an opportunity to find a new path, which is exactly what they did. Rather than go back to the same type of environment which they were certainly qualified to do, they decided to get a divorce from their industry.

Even when something isn’t working, we often decide that familiarity is better than facing change. We will continue to live a life of unhappiness rather than trying something new. Divorcing yourself from things that no longer suit you is simply saying, “this isn’t working anymore and I am willing to face the fear of trying something new.” Divorce is not an end, it is a beginning.

If it is fear that is getting in the way of your big break-up, it is time to celebrate. Fear is an indicator that you are on the right path. I will leave you with a quote from Joseph Campbell that I love.

“THE CAVE YOU FEAR TO ENTER HOLDS THE TREASURE YOU SEEK.”

Feel Real Good

When I was working on a marketing campaign for a talk show called “The Meredith Viera Show,’ we came up with Feel.Real.Good. We wanted you to “Feel” something every day. We wanted to have an authentic voice and be “Real.” And we wanted to put “Good” out into the world. These are three things I am now working to do as a coach. I want you to Feel.Real.Good as well. So here are a few techniques I have been using for years to help create a happier state.

Happiness List

This is a great tool to quickly change your state. I have a list of 10 things that make me super happy that I keep on my phone. The list started with three events and as I recalled others, I’ve added them. If I am feeling stuck in a negative emotional state, I go through my list and I visualize one of these at a time until I am feeling happy. I will put myself back into my body and feel myself hit a home run. Watching the ball sail over the fence as my teammates yell from the bench. I am getting happy just writing this now.

Test the event by imagining it before adding it to the list. If it can quickly get you feeling happy, add it to the list. When you need it, just dive into whatever it is that makes you happy.

Forced Positivity

This is a great exercise and if you really want to take it on, I suggest trying it for a 24 hour period. Every time you have a negative thought, you have to replace it with the opposite thought. This works best if you do it out loud, but if you’re around people, you can do it in your head. If you are thinking, “I’m Ugly,” you counter that by saying “I’m attractive.” If you think “I’m worthless,” you counter with “I am valuable.” You’ll be shocked by how many compliments you’ll have to give yourself in just one day.

Get Grounded

Go outside and just be present. If you can, take off your shoes and feel the ground underneath your feet. Nature is a great cleanser. It will wipe away negative energy if you just soak it in and really feel it. Put your hands on a tree and feel it’s energy. Look up at the sky and scream I am so happy. Looking up naturally makes us feel better.

Say Nice Things

Start your day with happiness. Say one positive thing out loud to yourself in the mirror right before you brush your teeth. If this feels too awkward, use a funny voice. Just get in the habit of saying nice things about yourself at least once a day. Your subconscious mind will believe whatever you tell it, so if you are finding a lot of reasons your life isn’t the way you want it, your mind will hear it and believe all of the negative things as real. So, instead let’s fill it with positives. It can be anything from I am caring to I make a fantastic grilled cheese. You can find one compliment a day to give yourself.

Go Look For Compliments

It’s easy. We all save cards, nice emails, notes, texts and basically anything that is given to us. Take a few hours to go and read through old birthday cards. Take in every word and find the common theme. You are loved and you deserve to be loved.

Another way to get compliments is to step into the body of people that love you and give yourself a compliment through their eyes. When you look through the eyes of someone who loves you, you will be surprised at all of the positivity that will come forward.

Remember, you get to choose how you feel. Your state of mind is completely up to you. Your thoughts are just movies played on the projector of your mind. You can change the movie whenever you want. Feeling happy and positive brings more of that into your life and energizes you to go after what you really want in life. It all starts with Feeling.Real.Good.