Divorce Yourself

You are tired of your career…Divorce Yourself from it!

You have a toxic friend…Divorce Yourself from them!

You want to lose weight…Divorce Yourself from your old habits!

When I decided my marriage was over and it was time to get a divorce, it felt like both a relief and a crushing weight at the same time. I told myself a lot of lies. “I had given up on my family.” “I wasn’t going to have the same relationship with my kids.” “I had failed.” I was in a really dark and difficult place.

Then surprisingly, as the days passed by, divorce became not an end, but a beginning. I was free to really explore who I was and what I wanted. I got back into the things I used to enjoy. I began hiking, riding my bike and reading everything I could get my hands on.

I rediscovered who I was and learned to love myself. I met the love of my life and got remarried. I lost 25 pounds and became an athlete again. I became an even better father. I showed my kids what being good to yourself looks like. I showed them what a good relationship looks like. I showed them that they too could face a fear and come out in better shape. All of this came out of the dirty “D” word.

Last year I found myself coaching someone who was in a similar situation, but for them it was their career. They had just been let go from their job and they were devastated. As we talked about the job, they told me their work had been a viscous cycle where they were surrounded by toxic people who would push them to the brink and then let them recover just enough before they did it all again.

They needed a divorce from this business and were lucky enough to be handed one. Instead of looking for a job in the same field, this was an opportunity to find a new path, which is exactly what they did. Rather than go back to the same type of environment which they were certainly qualified to do, they decided to get a divorce from their industry.

Even when something isn’t working, we often decide that familiarity is better than facing change. We will continue to live a life of unhappiness rather than trying something new. Divorcing yourself from things that no longer suit you is simply saying, “this isn’t working anymore and I am willing to face the fear of trying something new.” Divorce is not an end, it is a beginning.

If it is fear that is getting in the way of your big break-up, it is time to celebrate. Fear is an indicator that you are on the right path. I will leave you with a quote from Joseph Campbell that I love.

“THE CAVE YOU FEAR TO ENTER HOLDS THE TREASURE YOU SEEK.”

Feel Real Good

When I was working on a marketing campaign for a talk show called “The Meredith Viera Show,’ we came up with Feel.Real.Good. We wanted you to “Feel” something every day. We wanted to have an authentic voice and be “Real.” And we wanted to put “Good” out into the world. These are three things I am now working to do as a coach. I want you to Feel.Real.Good as well. So here are a few techniques I have been using for years to help create a happier state.

Happiness List

This is a great tool to quickly change your state. I have a list of 10 things that make me super happy that I keep on my phone. The list started with three events and as I recalled others, I’ve added them. If I am feeling stuck in a negative emotional state, I go through my list and I visualize one of these at a time until I am feeling happy. I will put myself back into my body and feel myself hit a home run. Watching the ball sail over the fence as my teammates yell from the bench. I am getting happy just writing this now.

Test the event by imagining it before adding it to the list. If it can quickly get you feeling happy, add it to the list. When you need it, just dive into whatever it is that makes you happy.

Forced Positivity

This is a great exercise and if you really want to take it on, I suggest trying it for a 24 hour period. Every time you have a negative thought, you have to replace it with the opposite thought. This works best if you do it out loud, but if you’re around people, you can do it in your head. If you are thinking, “I’m Ugly,” you counter that by saying “I’m attractive.” If you think “I’m worthless,” you counter with “I am valuable.” You’ll be shocked by how many compliments you’ll have to give yourself in just one day.

Get Grounded

Go outside and just be present. If you can, take off your shoes and feel the ground underneath your feet. Nature is a great cleanser. It will wipe away negative energy if you just soak it in and really feel it. Put your hands on a tree and feel it’s energy. Look up at the sky and scream I am so happy. Looking up naturally makes us feel better.

Say Nice Things

Start your day with happiness. Say one positive thing out loud to yourself in the mirror right before you brush your teeth. If this feels too awkward, use a funny voice. Just get in the habit of saying nice things about yourself at least once a day. Your subconscious mind will believe whatever you tell it, so if you are finding a lot of reasons your life isn’t the way you want it, your mind will hear it and believe all of the negative things as real. So, instead let’s fill it with positives. It can be anything from I am caring to I make a fantastic grilled cheese. You can find one compliment a day to give yourself.

Go Look For Compliments

It’s easy. We all save cards, nice emails, notes, texts and basically anything that is given to us. Take a few hours to go and read through old birthday cards. Take in every word and find the common theme. You are loved and you deserve to be loved.

Another way to get compliments is to step into the body of people that love you and give yourself a compliment through their eyes. When you look through the eyes of someone who loves you, you will be surprised at all of the positivity that will come forward.

Remember, you get to choose how you feel. Your state of mind is completely up to you. Your thoughts are just movies played on the projector of your mind. You can change the movie whenever you want. Feeling happy and positive brings more of that into your life and energizes you to go after what you really want in life. It all starts with Feeling.Real.Good.