The Ultimate “F” Word

People throw around what we traditionally consider the “F word” in public like it's no big deal—at baseball games, at the beach, in grocery store aisles. We say it casually, loudly, even around children and elders. There’s no hesitation, no fear.

That’s the actual “F” word we avoid involves our real fears.

Fear has become completely forbidden. We don’t talk about it, and often, we won’t even admit it to ourselves.

So let’s talk about it.

For me, fear often wears one mask: rejection. I’m afraid of giving something my all and realizing it wasn’t enough. I’m afraid that if you see who I really am and walk away, it’ll confirm every childhood wound I’ve carried—like when my fourth-grade teacher told me I was a terrible artist, or when I didn’t make the first college baseball team I tried out for. Or that middle school dance where I stood frozen, afraid to ask anyone to dance.

I’m sorry if all this “F word” talk makes you uncomfortable. But maybe it’s time we get uncomfortable—because silence is what makes fear grow. Left unspoken, it starts running the show behind the scenes, influencing every decision we make.

But fear doesn’t stand alone. It usually brings a friend: shame.

Shame tells us we’re the only ones who’ve failed, who’ve felt rejected, who’ve messed up. It paralyzes us and silences our vulnerability. The antidote to shame is not strength—it’s normalizing discomfort. When we talk about our fears, our mistakes, our longing to grow, we loosen shame’s grip.

And here’s where my favorite “A word” comes in: Action.

Not just any action—courageous action. I often talk about building your “action muscles.” When you act in spite of fear, when you accept that rejection is part of the process, you grow stronger. You stop trying to prove you’re enough and start living like you are. That’s the difference between showing off and showing up.

But fear—left unchecked—turns into procrastination. Into inaction. And we unknowingly pass it down through how we manage, parent, and interact. I know I have. As a producer in creative meetings, I didn’t always listen. Sometimes I judged too quickly. Instead of being present, I was already rewriting the pitch in my head. That behavior kills creativity.

Now, as a coach, my job is to hold space, not fill it. I ask questions instead of giving answers. I help my clients discover their own wisdom. When you truly listen to someone, without needing to be right or impressive, they open up. That’s where the transformation happens.

So how do we begin to rewrite our relationship with fear and shame?

3 Ways to Overcome Fear and Shame

1. Be Imperfect

I have a YouTube series called Imperfect Friday where I share messy, real-life moments. Why? Because perfectionism is just protectionism—it’s a shield to avoid being seen and judged. But growth doesn’t come from hiding. It comes from showing up, flaws and all.

2. Talk About It

If something scares you, speak it. Write it in your journal. Say it to a friend. The treasure we seek is often in the cave we fear most. And the moment you name your fear, you shrink its power.

3. Listen Without Armor

Practice being fully present with someone. Not to fix. Not to advise. Just to hear them. When you hold space for others, you teach your nervous system it’s safe to be vulnerable too. That’s when real connection—and healing—happens.

The next time fear whispers that you’re not enough, light your lantern, step into the cave, and remember - you’re not alone, and you’re braver than you think.

The Most Important Moment Of Your Life Is Right Now

For a big portion of my life, I was what I called a "looper." Something bad or embarrassing would happen — something I did, or something someone did to me — and I would replay it in my mind endlessly. Over and over. A memory that should have been a moment would become a prison.

I remember one moment vividly.

I had been working incredibly hard on a TV show, getting a lot of praise behind the scenes from my boss. Then, during a meeting with all the network executives, he had a complete meltdown and publicly attacked me. It stunned me. I was hurt and confused — but also determined to clear the air.

So at the end of the day, after the entire staff had gone home, I went into his office to have a calm conversation. I thought it would help. I thought it would show professionalism. Instead, he exploded again — worse this time — calling me names, personally attacking me, tearing me down.

I went home devastated.
I could only focus on this terrible loop.
I couldn’t function.

.
I looped the entire event in my head, blaming myself for having the courage to speak up.

That's what loopers do:

We blame ourselves for being human. We convince ourselves we did something to deserve the mistreatment. We torture ourselves with the past — something we can't change.

It almost makes me laugh now.
How could I have blamed myself for trying to do the right thing?

Learning about presence — especially through Eckhart Tolle and meditation — finally taught me to break free from the loop. It taught me something simple but life-changing:

The most important moment of your life is right now.
And now.
And now.

The only moment that matters is this one.

Now is where happiness lives.
Now is where your future is shaped.
Now is where every action that changes your life happens.

Your past?
It’s just a memory of a memory of a memory — distorted by time, emotion, and perception.
It isn’t even real anymore.

Now is real.
Now is the only thing that's real.

And here's the beautiful part:
If you didn’t take advantage of "now" before? That’s okay.
Because now is here again. Right now.

Three Ways to Stay in the Now:

1. Notice your loops.

When you catch yourself replaying something from the past, say to yourself: "That’s not happening anymore." Bring your attention gently back to this moment.

2. Create an anchor.

Use simple reminders — like focusing on your breath, feeling your feet on the ground, or asking yourself, "What’s happening right in front of me?" — to stay grounded in now.

3. Forgive yourself quickly.

The past does not define you.
You are not the mistakes you made or the pain you endured.
Forgiveness — especially for yourself — unlocks your power to be present.

You don’t have to be perfect to be free.
You just have to be here.
And you already are.