Emotional Traffic Jams - What's Really Blocking You

I used to commute from New Jersey to New York City. On a good day, it would take 45 minutes. On a bad day? Three hours. And on one particularly painful day, it took me three and a half hours to travel just 32 miles.

Sitting in that car, inching forward at a glacial pace, I’d spiral.

I should’ve left earlier. Why didn’t I take the train? Why didn’t I drive yesterday instead? Why do I even live in such a crowded area?

Eventually, I’d surrender—not to peace, but to misery. I’d go numb. By the time I parked and stepped out, I could barely move my legs.

And yet... that traffic jam taught me something.

That’s exactly what emotional overwhelm feels like.

The Mental Freeway

Imagine your mind as a freeway. Every thought, responsibility, regret, or fear is another car you’re letting onto that road.

• The promotion you didn’t get? That’s one car.

• Listening to your friend vent about their partner? Another car.

• Your bank account balance? Car.

• That book you’ve been meaning to write? Yep—add it to the freeway.

• Your inner critic whispering you’re not enough or you’re behind? That’s a whole convoy.

It’s no wonder we get stuck. Just like real traffic, if you flood the highway with too many cars, everything slows down—sometimes to a dead stop.

The Exit Strategy

Here’s the thing: not every car needs to be on your road.

Next time you find yourself looping on a negative thought—or worrying about something from the past or future that’s totally out of your control—try this:

Visualize it as a car. Then picture it taking the next exit.

Seriously. That thought?
→ Off the freeway.
That person’s drama that’s not your responsibility?
→ Exit ramp.
That guilt you’ve been dragging from something you can’t change?
→ Gone.

You’ll never eliminate traffic completely—but you can control what gets to ride with you.

What Cars Do You Want on Your Road?

Not every thought deserves your energy. Choose which cars you let on your mental freeway.

• Your kids’ happiness? Green light.

• Taking care of your mental and physical health? Let it through.

• Moments of joy, creativity, connection? That’s the good traffic.

Everything else? Let it take the bus.

If your inner freeway is too jammed to see the exits, coaching can help you clear the road.

Take the free Core Emotional Needs Assessment or book a free session and let’s start clearing space for the things that matter.

The Ultimate “F” Word

People throw around what we traditionally consider the “F word” in public like it's no big deal—at baseball games, at the beach, in grocery store aisles. We say it casually, loudly, even around children and elders. There’s no hesitation, no fear.

That’s the actual “F” word we avoid involves our real fears.

Fear has become completely forbidden. We don’t talk about it, and often, we won’t even admit it to ourselves.

So let’s talk about it.

For me, fear often wears one mask: rejection. I’m afraid of giving something my all and realizing it wasn’t enough. I’m afraid that if you see who I really am and walk away, it’ll confirm every childhood wound I’ve carried—like when my fourth-grade teacher told me I was a terrible artist, or when I didn’t make the first college baseball team I tried out for. Or that middle school dance where I stood frozen, afraid to ask anyone to dance.

I’m sorry if all this “F word” talk makes you uncomfortable. But maybe it’s time we get uncomfortable—because silence is what makes fear grow. Left unspoken, it starts running the show behind the scenes, influencing every decision we make.

But fear doesn’t stand alone. It usually brings a friend: shame.

Shame tells us we’re the only ones who’ve failed, who’ve felt rejected, who’ve messed up. It paralyzes us and silences our vulnerability. The antidote to shame is not strength—it’s normalizing discomfort. When we talk about our fears, our mistakes, our longing to grow, we loosen shame’s grip.

And here’s where my favorite “A word” comes in: Action.

Not just any action—courageous action. I often talk about building your “action muscles.” When you act in spite of fear, when you accept that rejection is part of the process, you grow stronger. You stop trying to prove you’re enough and start living like you are. That’s the difference between showing off and showing up.

But fear—left unchecked—turns into procrastination. Into inaction. And we unknowingly pass it down through how we manage, parent, and interact. I know I have. As a producer in creative meetings, I didn’t always listen. Sometimes I judged too quickly. Instead of being present, I was already rewriting the pitch in my head. That behavior kills creativity.

Now, as a coach, my job is to hold space, not fill it. I ask questions instead of giving answers. I help my clients discover their own wisdom. When you truly listen to someone, without needing to be right or impressive, they open up. That’s where the transformation happens.

So how do we begin to rewrite our relationship with fear and shame?

3 Ways to Overcome Fear and Shame

1. Be Imperfect

I have a YouTube series called Imperfect Friday where I share messy, real-life moments. Why? Because perfectionism is just protectionism—it’s a shield to avoid being seen and judged. But growth doesn’t come from hiding. It comes from showing up, flaws and all.

2. Talk About It

If something scares you, speak it. Write it in your journal. Say it to a friend. The treasure we seek is often in the cave we fear most. And the moment you name your fear, you shrink its power.

3. Listen Without Armor

Practice being fully present with someone. Not to fix. Not to advise. Just to hear them. When you hold space for others, you teach your nervous system it’s safe to be vulnerable too. That’s when real connection—and healing—happens.

The next time fear whispers that you’re not enough, light your lantern, step into the cave, and remember - you’re not alone, and you’re braver than you think.