The Ultimate “F” Word

People throw around what we traditionally consider the “F word” in public like it's no big deal—at baseball games, at the beach, in grocery store aisles. We say it casually, loudly, even around children and elders. There’s no hesitation, no fear.

That’s the actual “F” word we avoid involves our real fears.

Fear has become completely forbidden. We don’t talk about it, and often, we won’t even admit it to ourselves.

So let’s talk about it.

For me, fear often wears one mask: rejection. I’m afraid of giving something my all and realizing it wasn’t enough. I’m afraid that if you see who I really am and walk away, it’ll confirm every childhood wound I’ve carried—like when my fourth-grade teacher told me I was a terrible artist, or when I didn’t make the first college baseball team I tried out for. Or that middle school dance where I stood frozen, afraid to ask anyone to dance.

I’m sorry if all this “F word” talk makes you uncomfortable. But maybe it’s time we get uncomfortable—because silence is what makes fear grow. Left unspoken, it starts running the show behind the scenes, influencing every decision we make.

But fear doesn’t stand alone. It usually brings a friend: shame.

Shame tells us we’re the only ones who’ve failed, who’ve felt rejected, who’ve messed up. It paralyzes us and silences our vulnerability. The antidote to shame is not strength—it’s normalizing discomfort. When we talk about our fears, our mistakes, our longing to grow, we loosen shame’s grip.

And here’s where my favorite “A word” comes in: Action.

Not just any action—courageous action. I often talk about building your “action muscles.” When you act in spite of fear, when you accept that rejection is part of the process, you grow stronger. You stop trying to prove you’re enough and start living like you are. That’s the difference between showing off and showing up.

But fear—left unchecked—turns into procrastination. Into inaction. And we unknowingly pass it down through how we manage, parent, and interact. I know I have. As a producer in creative meetings, I didn’t always listen. Sometimes I judged too quickly. Instead of being present, I was already rewriting the pitch in my head. That behavior kills creativity.

Now, as a coach, my job is to hold space, not fill it. I ask questions instead of giving answers. I help my clients discover their own wisdom. When you truly listen to someone, without needing to be right or impressive, they open up. That’s where the transformation happens.

So how do we begin to rewrite our relationship with fear and shame?

3 Ways to Overcome Fear and Shame

1. Be Imperfect

I have a YouTube series called Imperfect Friday where I share messy, real-life moments. Why? Because perfectionism is just protectionism—it’s a shield to avoid being seen and judged. But growth doesn’t come from hiding. It comes from showing up, flaws and all.

2. Talk About It

If something scares you, speak it. Write it in your journal. Say it to a friend. The treasure we seek is often in the cave we fear most. And the moment you name your fear, you shrink its power.

3. Listen Without Armor

Practice being fully present with someone. Not to fix. Not to advise. Just to hear them. When you hold space for others, you teach your nervous system it’s safe to be vulnerable too. That’s when real connection—and healing—happens.

The next time fear whispers that you’re not enough, light your lantern, step into the cave, and remember - you’re not alone, and you’re braver than you think.

There Is No Finish Line

Life can feel a lot like one of those Greyhound dog races.

All the dogs are sprinting, chasing a mechanical rabbit they’re never going to catch. And the crowd cheers. But the truth is, that rabbit was never meant to be caught. It’s just there to keep the race going.

A lot of us live our lives the same way—believing that once we achieve our goal, everything will be okay. We’ll finally feel happy. Finally feel secure. Finally feel worthy.

But here’s the truth:
There is no finish line.

There is no magical moment when life gets “fixed.” No promotion, relationship, or number on the scale that will make all the pain go away.

Goals are great—I love them.
But they’re not destinations.
They’re stepping stones.
And if you mistake them for your salvation, they will break your heart.

When I Thought I “Made It”

I remember the first time I came to New York City to interview for The Rosie O’Donnell Show. I was laughed out of the room. Wearing a suit. Holding a briefcase. I felt like a joke.

As I left the building, dejected, someone invited me into the audience of Late Night with Conan O’Brien. It was magical. I even danced onstage during his warm-up, and he called me Mini-Harry Connick Jr. I swore to myself right then:

I will come back here. I will have my own show in this building.

Fast forward 20 years.

I’m sitting in the executive suite at 30 Rock across from the president of NBC. He says yes to a new talk show I pitched with Meredith Vieira.

And just like that… I was producing a show in the same studio where I once danced in the audience.

At first, it was a dream come true.

But then excitement turned into anxiety.

Instead of producing from joy and confidence, I was producing from fear.
I wasn’t celebrating—I was gripping. Afraid of losing it.

The Real Work Is Internal

This is what happens when you mistake a goal for healing.

You set out to lose 50 pounds, and the compliments keep you going. Then you hit the number, and suddenly… the praise stops. And so does your motivation.

You gain it all back.
Because what you really needed wasn’t weight loss.
It was validation.
Belonging.
Worth.

No external success can fill that hole.

Only you can.

So yes—set your goals. Chase them. Celebrate the wins.
Just don’t confuse them with your self-worth.

Because in life, there is no finish line.
There’s only the step you’re on.
Make sure it’s rooted in love—not lack.

Only So Many: Choosing How We React to Life’s Inconveniences

What if, instead of asking “Why me?” when something bad happens, you used a simple mindset shift to feel better?

Imagine that in life, certain inconveniences are bound to happen—almost like they’re scheduled events. You’re going to get pooped on by a bird three times. You’re going to get a parking ticket 15 times. You’re going to bite your tongue 37 times.

The numbers aren’t important. What matters is the perspective: Today was just the day for this to happen. It wasn’t personal. It wasn’t a punishment. It was simply one of the inevitable moments that life doles out.

When you think this way, the “Why is this happening to me?” emotion disappears, and you’re left with only the facts.

A Ticket, a $2,000 Repair, and a Choice

I learned this recently when I got pulled over by the police while driving my daughter. We were on our way to pick up my car after paying a hefty $2,000 repair bill. I was already feeling the weight of the expense when flashing lights appeared in the rearview mirror.

The officer came to the window, and I realized I had no idea where my wife’s car registration was. The insurance card? Also missing. Perfect recipe for stress, right?

Instead of panicking, I calmly searched the glove box and then asked if I could show proof of insurance through an app. The officer grumbled that I should have a physical copy, but it would be fine. Then he added, “I’m giving you a ticket for going 40 in a 25.”

Now, those tickets always feel like gotcha moments. 40 mph isn’t fast, and when police sit and wait in those zones, it’s frustrating. In the past, I would have been furious. But this time, I smiled. I stayed calm.

My daughter asked, “Dad, how can you be so calm?”

I told her:

"In my life, I will have unexpected car repairs. Today was just one of those days.
In my life, I will get a certain number of tickets. Today was just one of those days.
But in my life, I will only have so many chances to teach you that you get to choose how you react.

That is your choice.

You can choose to be frustrated. You can choose to let something small ruin your day. Or you can choose calm. You can choose to move on. You can choose to keep enjoying the day.”

Only So Many

There are only so many times you’ll see a sunrise.
Only so many times your child will ask you to read a bedtime story.
Only so many morning walks with the dog.

The little good things in life? They are just as limited as the little bad things. The difference is, we don’t keep count of them the same way.

So next time something frustrating happens, remind yourself: Today was just one of those days. And then ask yourself: What small, beautiful moment did I get today?

Because there are only so many of those, too.